The anniversary number 100 was fulfilled, and as per the promise to myself, I started to write…
100 years? -No
100 million? – Not yet
100 partners?- Hmm… No
Yes, do not be confused:
For ten months, I have gotten exactly 100 refuses!
20% of “NO” s – I have got from humans.
Around 30% of them – are from insurance companies, banks, rental agencies, governmental and other service departments.
50%- which is 50 units- of “NO” – I have received as feedback on my job Applications and resumes, despite sending them to any available industries, applying for any possible position, any salary ranges, attached by different formats of motivation letters.
During 38 years from my birth date, I can boldly say that I have not heard or read so many refusals.
If not more, “NO” has no less weight, rather than -Approval.
“NO” – is the answer, _correct, solid, undisputed, unappealable, and often sharply determining our next steps.
Unlike the consent, – “No” never has a transitory color – unless we consider the outdated and probably erroneous opinion – with “a woman’s no means yes” narrative.
So far, my life trip was full of learning, much more working, even more determination, and enormous obstacles.
The result was there:
Consistently, efficiently, and fully deserved all possible managerial positions, roles, bonuses – 16-years -continuous career development history and a lot of interesting people, projects, and proposals.
What is the cost of comfort?
Comfort has its price – and it is called stagnation.
It is inevitable, happens to everyone without distinction, and results in setbacks and feelings of instability, inefficiency, and failure; That’s pretty much what happens to people during a mid-life crisis, when they do all the available stupid things at once – in search of adrenaline and end up back to square one – more tired, more demotivated and definitely older;
A “New challenge” is a trendy name for testing yourself, developing and proving to everyone that whatever you have created so far was built entirely based on your intellectual capital and hard work, and if you decide, you can start from scratch and achieve even more.
is it difficult?
It is catastrophically difficult – a new environment, strangers, a place where you appear to be absolutely no one, where you have to prove your value, learn everywhere, anything, from everyone, at the expense of your time, energy, sleep, food, entertainment and, in general.
You trade your life.
You are not living; you are mentally “hungry” at that point.
Here and now, in such a stressful environment, you get the adrenaline that gives you the strength to reborn as the best version of yourself, to become the one who will “rock it”, who will achieve…
You – with no limits
Is it worth it?
The main purpose of life is self-discovery – if we look at the processes in this way, everything becomes logical.
At some point, the limits disappear, no way back- you have already hit rock bottom – you cannot find yourself there again.
Why the “NO” is so important?
“No” has two parties – the responder and the expectant.
Not being able to say “no” by the respondent, or not receiving an answer by the expectant – can be devastating for both parties:
Today the psychologists advise: the first thing to teach a child is saying “no” when she doesn’t want to do something: go to a club with friends, try drugs, spend the night with a boyfriend, or even accept candy from a stranger.
This is how a free person is formed, the one, who does not waste his or other’s time, energy and emotion for no reason or purpose.
In today’s world, the culture of saying “no” is of great value and moreover – it avoids a lot of psychological, physical and moral violence in different situations.
In the corporate world, giving on-time feedback is a part of business etiquette.
In relationships with people – “no” – removes the false attitude, creates the right expectations, and relieves us from stress.
When someone expects an answer from us, and we delay the answer just to avoid refusing, we might become a course of the emotions , which destroys the person morally and deprives him of his life energy.
Uncertainty, anticipation, frustration, demotivation and most importantly, wasting time – this is often the result of not knowing whether we are on a right path ;As a result, we get a series of failures.
Me after 100 “NO” s
After getting the first dozen rejections, my ego was shaken, I was shocked, adrenaline increased in my blood, my heart raced, anger and disappointment took the form of a stinging pain and stayed in my heart for a long time:
“What does -that mean?”, “No way”, “I mean – I have never been rejected!”
My brain was working fast, but furiously, and the thoughts were changing.
“You’ll see, I don’t need anyone, I’ll reach it myself, without help, by myself and then…”
I am used to working 100 times harder to prove equality, but here, in the country of liberty, freedom and opportunities, my goal – defined by the bottom of “Maslow’s pyramid” – apartment, food and income – seemed to become a completely unattainable “dream”.
The whole adventure started when I realized that:
It is no one’s fault that you fail in a particular matter.
No one promised you it would be easy.
I am in a position where I am not offered – I offer.
My offer is not valuable, acceptable, necessary, or interesting to them.
That means I must change my attitude and approach, if needed – to deepen my knowledge of specific issues and, most importantly, ask questions, get more information, ask for help from the right people; Ask, Ask, Ask.
Asking for help is “OK”
It is not OK, when a professional has nothing valuable to put on the table and says: “No one can make it better than me; you need it _ I can do it!”
After my ego height returned to normal, the level of anger subsided, and the “feeling of injustice” – was replaced with -“what’s the next?” – I saw with complete clarity -who I am, where I am going, what I have to do, and which are the values, interesting skills and exclusive abilities – that I can offer to the world.
Thanks for the powerful “NO.”
Thanks for giving me a chance and time to move on, learn more, and explore more!